Star Trek- The Driving Game v 2.75

Last Modified Stardate 201409.04

Okay, here it is. We've heard of the Drinking Game, so now we must logically have the Driving Game. True, they don't mix and they never should, but I got the idea one day on a road trip and didn't feel like asking "Are we there yet?" every ten miles.

The synopsis is real simple. Terminology from Star Trek has been converted to simple terms used while someone drives a car. There have been a couple times when I've heard the driver of our road trips announce "warp drive" on the freeway, and until now never realized how almost anything you encounter on the road can be termed in phrases of Trek.

I'll try and keep this as organized as possible so you'll have an easy reference on the road or whatever (though I'd advise against the driver reading this). For some parts, you may need to refer to the TNG Tech Man, but it shouldn't be a real problem.

The Prime Directive

We vow not to interfere with the natural courses of the lives of others. We will not cut them off, tailgate, drive on the sidewalk, double park, honk rudely, or showing them the "Great Bird of the Galaxy" unless not doing so would jeopardize our own lives or insurance premiums. We will not litter our galaxies highways, we will not ask the waitress of the local "Shoney's" to sing Klingon opera, we won't take the towels from Federation accommodation outposts, or make fun of and taunt our Romulan Highway Patrol.

Part I: Velocity -- Converting Miles Per Hour (MPH) to Warp Factors.

• 0-9 Maneuvering Thrusters. (coasting slowly)
• 10-49 Impulse power. It is usually broken up like this--
• 10-19 = 1/4 impulse
• 20-29 = 1/2 impulse
• 30-39 = 3/4 impulse
• 40-49 = Full impulse
• 50- Warp Power.

Every ten MPH above fifty is equivalent to 1 factor of warp. Example: Warp 6 is 110 Mph. Unfortunately, this scale does not count for that "never reaching Warp 10 rule" in TNG, but knowing most of my friend's cars, Warp 8 is pretty much an impossibility at this time. NOTE: Entering Warp close to a planet might result in Potential Enemy Vessels or Romulan Ships to pursue you.

Part II: Your Automobile / Space Ship -- the Basics

Trunk: Cargo Bay. (Note for vans/station wagons/hatchbacks, etc. this should be referred to as the main shuttle bay);

Bicycle / Ski Rack: Shuttlecraft hard-docking port;

Engine: Matter/Anti-Matter Reaction Chamber;

Transmission: Warp Nacelles/Impulse Thrusters;

Body: Structural Integrity Field;

Radio: Commlink (also applies to CB and Cellular Phones, CB Radio, and Walkie Talkies);

Front Grill: Main deflector dish;

Bumpers: Shields;

Doors: Transporters (If you locked one of the doors, you could say that "Transporter Room Four is off-line.")

          - also can be airlocks  

Seat Belt: Inertial Dampening Fields/Gravitational Support

Heater/Air Conditioner: Life Support; 
Windshield: View screen/Fore Scanners; Rear View 
Mirror: Aft Scanners;

Unleaded Gas: Slush Deuterium

Radar Detector: Tachyon Scanner;

GPS System: Navigational Computer;

Towing Line / Winch: Tractor beam;

Spotlight: Auxiliary Scanners;

Mirror Ornament: Stuffed tribble (probably easy to make)

Windshield Sticker: "Starfleet Academy" (I've actually seen these around!)

Parking Brake: Manual Docking Clamp/Moorings

Glove Box: Auxiliary Storage OR Computer Database (Isn't that where all the road maps are stored, as well as the owner's manual for the car?)

Windshield Washer: Shields (Shields up..when raining)

Horn: Communications Hail (Opens Hailing Frequencies)

Reserve Fuel Canister: Bussard Ramscoop
High Beams: Phasers (flashing High Beam is a warning shot)

Part III: Operational Modes

Docked Mode: Usually for auto maintenance/refueling.

Cruising Mode: Normal driving operations

Yellow Alert: Usually for difficult driving situations (i.e. bad weather)

Red Alert: Hostile situation (i.e. attack from Borg/Romulans) or Near Zero Visibility

Blue Alert: Looking for a parking space in a crowded parking lot

Part IV: Systems Diagnostic Levels

These pretty much go along the 1-5 scale-like on the Big E with Level 1 being the most difficult duty while Level 5 being the least difficult. The following are examples of each level

Level 5: Check air pressure/Clean windshield

Level 4: Change all filters(air, oil)/Fill all fluids (oil, windshield)

Level 3: Check electrical wiring/Minor secondary systems

Level 2: Remove all engine parts/Clean thoroughly

Level 1: Clean interior and exterior of the car

Damage Control / Repairing the Warp / Impulse Drive: Fixing a Flat Tires (See Part II)

Part V: Bridge Stations -- Who does what and where

Flight Control: Drives the automobile, also responsible or minor navigational duties.

Operations Manager: Allocates resources for crew use. Controls the use of the following: road map, food resources. It also records mileage and pertinent auto/mission data.

Command Station: The Captain of the whole thing. Usually sitting in the comfort of the back seat. The second in command is usually also with him, although that position need not be filled if the auto is short-handed.

Security Officer: Usually ensures all windows, doors, seat- belts secure. Plots tactical evasion courses should the need arise, and should have extensive knowledge of motor vehicle laws in case Romulan highway patrol manage to pull over auto.

Environment: Controls usage of heater/air conditioner and authorizes the use of windows for ventilation. Also designates which station the radio is on and what tapes the crew listens to. Naturally, this assignment should only be given to those with good taste.

Science Officer: Has detailed data pertaining to locations of the ship and local customs of the environment. Such duties include translating speech with Romulan HP or Klingon truckers and should know the exact location of the "Shoney's" closest to the ship.

Mission OPS: Usually assistant to the Operations Manager, although this crewman is also in charge of allocating resources to away teams. In the event that there is NO second officer. Mission OPS should lead away teams.

Engineer: Generally this is the guy with the automotive engineering skills who has done an extensive study of engines. This person should be in charge of all refueling and maintenance duties. Counselor: Designated to make sure everyone has fun on the trip and makes sure nobody says "Are we there yet?" May frequently introduce a sing-along during a long mission during times of low morale.

Yellow Shirt: (optional) This good-hearted ensign gets to carry the gas can to the nearest refueling faculty if the need of an emergency refueling arises. (May also use "Counselor" if no YS is available)

Medical Officer: Makes sure nobody gets too severe cramps due to confinement

Note that like on the BigE there are four duty shifts (each 6 hours long) in which someone else must take turns at the Conn.

Part VI: Starship/Automotive Classes

Your Car: Federation ship (yes, you're always the good guy)

• Hatchbacks - Cruiser Class
• Saloons/Sedans - Multi-Mission
• Estate/Station wagons - Freighter Class
• Sports Cars - Scout Class
• Convertible - Escort Class
• Off-roaders/SUV - Explorer Class
• Minivans - Destroyer Class
• Van, camper, RV, minibus etc. - Transport Class

Police Car: Romulan Warbird (remember, the Klingons are our allies AND we still cannot exactly detect a cloaked ship i.e.. behind a billboard)

City Bus: Transport.

Big Rig: Klingons. (Truckers -- the real warriors of the highway)

Tow Truck: The Borg (waiting to assimilate scrap heaps wherever they lurk)

Ambulance: Starfleet Rescue craft

Rich Exotic Import: The Ferengi

Any Pontiac: Captain's Yacht
Any Accura - Captain's Yacht (the Accura Emblem looks like Starfleet Delta)

Any Saab: Vulcan Ambassador's Shuttle (Mark Lenard does the voice-overs for Saab)

Andorian Ship: A ship that cuts you off.

Motorcycles – Klingon Bird of Preys (Don’t Bikers remind you of Klingon’s anyway)

Part VII: Various Road Obstacles

Freeway Entrance: Usual entrance to warp drive

Freeway Exit: Usual emergence from warp drive(of course situations in the past have shown that you can pretty much enter warp anywhere you damn well please)
Long Bridge: Warp Conduit

Unintended Freeway Exit: Wormhole!

Emergency Side Lane: Neutral Zone

Speed Bump: Continuum Drag

Icy Road: Soliton Wave!

Pothole: Quantum Filament!

Mountains: Nebulae (you can choose to go thru them or around them)

Car in/off the road: Wreckage

Road Kill: Extinct unknown lifeforms (usual response from science officers)

Road signs: Starfleet Navigational Guidance Beacons

Starfleet Salvage Operation: Car parked on side of the road with a man outside trying to fix it

In the Delta Quadrant: When you're lost

Wolf 359: Car Crash

Mariposan Clones: Schoolkids getting off a charter bus

Level 12 Shockwave: Crashing head-on into another car

Level 5 Shockwave: Crashing into a traffic light

Level 1 Shockwave: Running over a cat or something

Part VIII: Special Maneuvers

Entering Freeway: Entering Warp

Exiting Freeway: Leaving Warp

Rockford (180 spin): Full about (hey, not everything gets a nea term!)

Evasive Maneuvers: Avoiding Romulans

Swindell Maneuver: You've missed your turn/exit. So you make your way back there!

Koma Maneuver: You managed to dodge a Romulan Ship (ie did not get a ticket)

Corbomite Maneuver: What you tell the Romulan Officer so that he does not give you a ticket.

Picard Maneuver: Getting rid of a bothersome tailgater

Paige Maneuver: Doing something absolutely dumb.

Slater Maneuver: You have no idea where you are going ..so you follow that car in front of you.. that driver knows where s/he goes.

Harshaw Maneuver: When you drive through the parking exit backward.

Krazy Ivan: When you change lanes for no particular reason.

Kobayashi Maru: When you switch to the faster lane (and that one slows down)

Part IX: Locations on the Road

Howard Johnsons: Ten Forward (the only REAL place to eat on a road trip!)

HP Office: Romulan Outpost

Information Center: Memory Alpha (Okay, so it's from the books--classic Trek, at that).

Truck Stop: Klingon Outpost

Rest Stop: Alien Outpost

Auto Shop: Assembly Faculty

Gas Station: Refueling Base

Your Garage: Dry-dock

Big Parking Lot: Close Orbit

Parking Ramp: Starbase

Toll Booth: Ferengi Starbase (ugh)

Traffic Court: Q Continuum

Any Given City: Planet (city name)

Any Given State/Province: Sector (state name)

Any Given Country: Galaxy (country name)

Any Given Planet: (you're taking this game a little too far)

Best Western: Crew Accommodations

Holiday Inn / Ramada: Guest Accommodations

Marriot / Hilton: Officer Accommodations

Factory Outlet Mall: Ferengi Outpost

Deep Space Station: Busy Intersection/Drive-Thru Restaurant

Part X: Away Teams -- how the heck do we handle this?

An away team should consist of the Second Officer or the Mission Ops crewman, along with any number of expendable crew members. The natural shuttle variant in the driving game would be a bicycle (preferable a mountain bike) or it could even be skateboards or rollerblades. The logical reasons for these chosen vehicles are

1. The fit on/in the car very nicely.

2. Like shuttles, they should never be taken out while in Warp Drive. Typical away

Team missions include:

1. Retrieving more crew consumable

2. Depositing crew post-consumable 3) negotiating with accommodations manager for a night's lodging.

Of course, more detailed and taxing missions include:

1. Scouting out a new area (shuttle may be necessary).

2. Scouting for a good orbital parking spot

3. Emergency refueling

Conclusion

That is about all I can think about for now. I tried to think of some way to include the transporters but I couldn't think of any. Also, I had a couple ideas for general terms, but not many. If you have any…leave them in the comments and I’ll use them to update this list.


DID WE MISS SOMETHING?
If you think of something that should be added to this list, leave it in the comments.